The flip-side of tragedy

I seriously underestimated tragedy.  She is not the one-dimensional bitch I always perceived her to be.  There is a flip-side of tragedy that I am starting to come to terms with.  I don’t think you can really appreciate the complexity of something until you have lived through it yourself; seen the pain with your own eyes, heard the wailing with your own ears – felt the emptiness deep within your own soul.  Losing one of my very best friends in August and my cousin last week, both to suicide, has created a need for me to travel to an emotional place I would never have wanted to go.   I have not been on the journey alone though, and that has made all the difference.

Last week after receiving the news that Andy was gone I felt an immediate need to be with my Aunt and Uncle and my cousins Kristin and Kevin.   I wanted to be there to hold my family’s hands and hug them tight.  I wanted to pray with them.   It was inspiring watching them and listening to them just a day after the unimaginable had happened.  There was so much love in that house – so much consideration and respect – so much thoughtful dialogue, and so much trust in the Lord.  I felt honored to have a place at the table while important matters were discussed and while very important prayers were said.  I grew in closeness to those members of my family in a way that I don’t think any other kind of event would have provided the opportunity for.

As hundreds of us gathered for Andy’s funeral several days later I was overwhelmed by the love on display.  Words of encouragement and memories of Andy were shared by many in that room.   All of those things were poignant and beautiful but a couple comments really stood out to me.  Andy’s Uncle Warden encouraged us to look around – to see all the hundreds of people who loved Andy and his family enough to take time to be there that day.  Why is it with all this love, Andy felt alone?  Why is it that he didn’t recognize the number of people who would have done anything in their power to prevent this?  Warden challenged each of us to do more to not only reach out to those we love, but to be honest with others regarding what we are going through ourselves.  We are not put here to walk this road alone.  God knows we need community.

Community is what I felt all weekend.  As we stood at the graveside I looked around and nearly half the people there were family members who I have known all my life.  I felt a gratitude for this group of people that I have never felt before.  I knew with certainty each of them would do anything for me; regardless of the time between visits I will always be able to call them and ask for their help if I need it.

There is nothing I would like more than for Andy to be here to feel that love!!  The tragedy of his loss gave many of us a rare glimpse at all we are blessed to be surrounded by.

When I look up the word tragedy I am drawn more to the synonyms than the definition itself.  The painful words that show up as synonyms are disaster, calamity, blow, trial, tribulation, adversity.  Those are the things that tragedy is on the surface.  Nothing can take away the awful reality of what happened but what I see now is that on the flip- side of the tragedy are things like survival, togetherness, strength, compassion, hope, grace and love.